


Achillides

by Alike



Category: The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: Aged Up, Bottom Patroclus, Death Threats, M/M, Mpreg, Near Death Experiences, Top Achilles, all fluff no angst, also Deidamia’s kind of a bitch too, just a lot of unfortunate experiences, mostly because thetis is AWFUL
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-15 02:32:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15403023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alike/pseuds/Alike
Summary: Years pass and the marriage she forced her son into still remains childless, so Thetis devises a plan to ensure the continuation of his godly lineage. Like most things do, the plan goes wrong and Thetis finds herself responsible for the fact that her grandchild will be born to her greatest adversary. While the situation is unusual to say the least, Achilles and Patroclus make the most of it... by making a deal with Deidamia. But will her jealousy get the best of both of them? Or will it be Thetis' fury that ruins it all first?





	1. Rituals

We were nineteen. Nearly three years had passed since I came to Scyros in search of Achilles and found him disguised as a woman while secretly married to the princess. It was all the plan of his mother, Thetis, who sought to shield him from the dangers of war and so ripped him from my arms. It was no surprise she disliked me, and of course I knew why. Achilles wanted me and no one else, nothing else. She knew his love for me would keep him from fulfilling the godly destiny she wanted for him. Neither of us seemed to want such a destiny and this infuriated the goddess.

When I woke this warm summer morning, my golden-haired boy was beside me, his arm draped above his head. As we usually do in the early daylight, we took a walk through the humble palace. Approaching the west end of the hall, we heard sobbing from Deidamia's room. As we came closer, we were able to understand the blubbering that poured out of her mouth.

"What could I be doing wrong?" She bellowed.

"Hush, your Highness," a young woman's voice parted the princess' sobs, "perhaps it is not the will of the Gods that you bear children."

Deidamia screamed then. "How dare you insinuate that I am barren! It must be him," she paused to sniffle loudly, "he does not love me so he weakens his seed in spite."

I looked at Achilles and he shook his head with a shrug.

"I need a new cloth now." Deidamia said abruptly as we began to walk away.

Achilles nudged me playfully and gestured to his womanly garments. "While I despise dressing in women's clothes, I can be grateful still that I do not bleed like one."

I laughed quietly in response and we continued on our walk.

-

From there we went to breakfast, but Deidamia did not join us. This was expected on the days she bled. Part of it, I suppose, was the discomfort, but the rest must be the disappointment. After we ate, the king asked us to stay. I froze, my eyes darting to Achilles.

"It has come to my attention that once again my daughter has failed to conceive a child." His wrinkled forehead scrunched even further.

"Is that so?" Achilles spoke cooly. "I shall see her this evening and bring her my condolences."

The king cleared his throat and pushed himself to sit up straight. "I am afraid this arrangement may no longer continue."

I held my breath. _Does this mean we can go home?_ I resisted the urge to reach for Achilles' hand, hold it tight in some mix of excitement and fear.

"Why is that, your majesty?" He replied.

"The marriage has not been properly consummated. You have failed thus far to provide the princess with an heir who will bear your name."

Achilles gulped. I watched his lips tighten before returning my attention to the king.

"I understand. We will depart for Phthia in the morning." He bowed his head and we turned to leave.

"No." The king harked and we turned back around. "You have until the first leaf falls."

It was the middle of summer, the warmest days were already among us. This meant in just a couple more months we would be sailing back home. That is, if Deidamia really was barren. It seemed cruel, but I truly hoped she was.

"Yes, your majesty. Thank you." With a final bow, we were dismissed.

-

Desperate to keep Achilles around, Deidamia soon became obsessed with fertility rituals that were to be done every evening, so I hardly saw him until late in the night. When he finally fell into bed, he'd tell me of all the difficulties that surround the rituals, such as the six bedmaidens who fanned them with tropical leaves soaked in oils. He'd tell me that the biggest difficulty, however, was finishing at all. He said he would sometimes cover her face and chest with a sheet. This made me laugh. He loved to make me laugh.

To no one's surprise, time went on and Deidamia still wouldn't conceive. The next time she bled was rough. Not for her, though, but for everyone else. She was fuming, her steps heavy and her breaths harsh. Everywhere she went, she would cool the room and all within it. Her mere presence was enough to tighten our lips and fold our hands in our laps. Servants bowed as she entered the hall, shaking in fear of an outburst. The red days came and went and soon the princess was calling for Achilles again.

"She's running out of time." Achilles was tying his hair back, preparing for the trek across the palace to Deidamia's room for their nightly rituals.

"I know." _Can't run out fast enough._ "Who knows though? It may actually be you."

Achilles chuckled, putting on the veil that hid his masculine jaw. "I would hope so. Then my mother can never threaten me with this again."

I smiled. "I hope so too."

He kissed me goodbye and off he went, the light summer cloth of his dress flowing behind him as he finally left my view.


	2. Poison

I took my morning stroll earlier than usual. Achilles had to spend the night with Deidamia as part of some new ritual she wanted to try. It felt weird falling asleep without him and waking up without him. My hands dragged gently along the stone wall. My fingers felt each groove as I walked slowly down the long hall to the room where we dine. I got closer to the doorway and heard a voice that sent a shiver through my entire body. Thetis.

"Set the first one here. Then the second here, then the last here. Deidamia, Achilles, and... the other." Her voice was low and raucous as it always was. Like the bottom of a great ship scraping along a rocky seafloor.

"Yes, my lady." It was a servant girl. I couldn't make out her voice to know if she was the one who served our food, poured our drinks, or cleaned our tables.

I didn't dare to peek in to see what she was talking about, but by the sound of gently clattering porcelain, I figured she must mean plates. _By Gods, is she going to poison me?_ I covered my hand over my mouth to catch my gasp of fear. Knowing all too well that she would be able to sense me right away, I held my breath until she left. She went through the sea-facing window, I supposed.

There I waited, motionless, for Achilles to come by for breakfast. When he did I pulled him aside, tucked ourselves into an isolated hall.

"Your mother was here." I said hoarsely.

He blinked. "What did she do to you? What did she say?"

"I did not speak to her. Or even see her." I reached for his hand. "I believe she plotted with one of the servants to poison me."

"Poison?" He exclaimed and I hushed him. "Poison you? Are you sure?" He was in a whisper now.

I nodded, lips tight and chin wrinkled. "She's finally done with me. I wonder if she thinks I am the reason you and Deidamia haven't conceived."

Achilles squeezed my hand. "I will not let this happen. Tell me everything and I assure you, you will be safe."

When we went into the room, the plates were already set in place and filled with food. I bit my lip. "She's expecting me on your left. What do we do?"

"Sit to my right." He replied.

"But... But then Deidamia will..."

"Fret not. I will handle it."

I knew Achilles would never sit by and let her have whatever awful fate his mother intended for me. He would never let any innocent being die if he could help it. This was something I always admired about him. Once as children, he caught a baby bird that fell from its nest in our tree. I watched with admiration as he climbed up and returned it safely. Deidamia was like a baby bird too. She was needy and screamed often, but this did not mean she deserved to die.

We sat at the table, mine and Deidamia's places switched on either side of the golden-haired boy we reluctantly shared. Before we ate, Achilles was eyeing her food, scrunching his face in curiosity. Going along with his own plan, he raised his chin and called upon a servant, a man.

"Pardon me," he began, so polite, "I believe something is wrong with the royal highness' food. It smells quite odd."

The servant hurried over and bowed his head over the plate, looking and sniffing. "My apologies, but I do not suspect anything is wrong."

Deidamia stepped in, confused and alarmed. "My lady-in-waiting believes my food has been tainted! Take it away this instant and never again will you ignore her judgment!"

"Yes, your highness, of course." The man took the plate and carried it away, soon returning with a new one.

"Thank you." Said the princess and we all began to eat.

I breathed a long sigh of relief and calmly ate my breakfast. Nothing seemed off about it at the time, but later on that afternoon, I found myself in terrible pain.

"It was a trick all along! Mother knew we would switch the plates... She's too clever to be stopped this easily!" Achilles was carrying me up the beach and back to our room. 

I had collapsed while he ran, losing my count of his time. He probably broke his record when he saw me fall over and sprinted back to me. It was a dull pain in my stomach, something that had to be the result of poison. Awful thoughts ran through my mind. Thoughts of death. War. Achilles. What would he do without me? Would he throw himself into war with no regard for his own safety? Would he let himself be taken by his mother? I hoped he would avenge me. I hoped he would berate his mother for her deed. Most of all, I hoped he would free himself from her and never turn back.

Knowing that Achilles was running through the palace nearly naked was worrisome. He had left his dress and veil on the beach in the panic of it all. Again and again, he turned another hall to avoid servants or the foster sisters. Once we had made it to the safety of our bedroom, Achilles set me down on the bed and pushed back my hair from my sweating forehead.

Achilles hurried to throw on a dress and cover his face and hair. His chest heaving, he kneeled by my side. "I will get you help, Patroclus, wait here please."

Never had I seen him so worried, so afraid. If I wasn't in shock from the pain, I might have been crying out of fear. I clutched my middle, heart racing faster than Achilles on foot. Something felt wrong. It felt as if my insides were deteriorating, ripping themselves apart. This couldn't just be poison. It had to be the work of the Gods. _Had Thetis asked the greater Gods for a favor? Had they decided my life was worthless?_   It was then that I began to shed tears. I lay there, alone and dying, waiting for Achilles to return.

-

Achilles said that when he did return with a doctor, I was asleep. He said nothing seemed to be wrong with me anymore. I was woken gently by the doctor. Knelt beside me, he looked me over with large, round eyes. They were unblinking, almost judgemental in a way that felt demeaning.

"I think I'm okay now." I said shyly. I was embarrassed that Achilles scoured the palace looking for a doctor only to return to a healthy man asleep where he left a dying one.

The doctor pursed his lips before shrugging. He stood and whispered something to Achilles, who thanked and dismissed him.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I was worried about you." Achilles sat down beside me, cupping my cheek in his hand. "Are you sure you're alright?"

After a moment of thinking, making sure nothing felt wrong anymore, I nodded. "I am."

"Good." He said with a sigh before lying down completely, his head beside mine. "You are too strong for my mother's silly tricks."

Turning my head to face him, I fell into his eyes. We shared a loving gaze for a few moments before his lids began to droop. He was tired, it had been a long day. The sun was still far from setting, which meant there was still time to savor his company before he had to leave for his rituals. A warmth grew in myself, low in my stomach. My cheeks grew warm, too, as my member began to stiffen.

"Achilles..." I whispered.

Eyes still closed, he raised his eyebrows and licked his lips drowsily. "Hm?"

I reached for his hand and guided it, bringing it to my pants and feeling his fingers twitch in surprise.

"Patroclus?" He slowly opened his eyes to see my red face. "Of course." He said with a smile.

We undressed. We kissed. We stroked. We united. I had already been finished once when Achilles finally did, pouring his warm love into my cavity. I finished again. He kissed me sweetly. We rested for a while.


	3. Blame

Time moved forward, as it does. The poison incident left our minds and was now just a memory rarely thought of. Achilles returned to Deidamia each night, covering her face with cloth and trying his best to ignore the distracting practices going on around them. Most recently was the implementation of chanting. I laughed at the strange things Deidamia considered magic. I felt it in my heart they would not work. And I was right.  
The trees were red now. Any sign of summer had came and gone. Sure the days were still warm, but there was a crispness. It was in the air, in the breeze, in the leaves. Lycomedes had given Achilles until the first leaf fell to conceive a child with Deidamia. By the sobbing we heard coming down the hall, we knew he had failed.  
It was late at night when the princess burst into our bedroom and woke Achilles and I. Her face in the candlelight was red and her cheeks wet. “How could you!” She cried.  
Achilles pulled himself up and crawled over me to step out of bed. I stayed lying down, knowing better than to get involved. “Deidamia, please,” he started, “we tried all we could but-”  
“But you want to leave! You want to escape back to Phthia and so you will your seed to be useless.” She panted as she paused to wipe her nose. “You cannot fool me, Achilles. I know this was your plan all along!”  
I turned my head away. I could not look at her like this, seething with fury and sorrow.  
“And YOU!” She bellowed. “I know you all too well, Patroclus.”  
The way she slurred my name felt like I was being demeaned by my father all over again. “Please, we have done nothing wrong. I simply-”  
“You followed him here. You ruined everything!” She stomped her foot. The bronze vase on our bedtable wobbled and left a ringing in the room. “You are his biggest distraction, you are the reason I have no child.”  
Achilles stepped forward, holding out his hands to hers. “Deidamia that is not true.”  
“LIAR!” She screamed. “LIAR! LIAR! LIAR!”  
We watched with concern and confusion as this grown woman threw a tantrum before us. It was a pathetic sight, but if either of us ever let such a comment slip, it would be our heads.  
“Patroclus.” My name once again came spitting from her lips. This time it was accompanied by a look of disgust in her squinted eyes.  
“Yes.”  
“I’d like to tell you a secret.”  
I did not respond. She did not seem amused by this.  
“I know what you two do here. I know you are lovers and that Achilles spills his seed in you before he comes to see me every night!”  
Before either of us could respond, a gruff voice came from the doorway. “That is enough!” It was the king.  
I pulled myself from the bed and stood beside Achilles. We bowed our heads.  
“Your Majesty,” Achilles started.  
Deidamia turned around to face her father, collapsing at his feet. “Oh, father! Achilles has indeed failed but please let him stay! I pray you banish Patroclus instead! Only then can Achilles and I have a true marriage and-”  
“Silence. A marriage in our court cannot be true when no children have been bore.” His hands were folded behind his back and his chin was high. “Μy daughter has wasted on you three years, Achilles. Three years where she could have been married off to a worthy man who can house her and provide her with heirs.”  
Achilles nodded. “Yes, I understand.”  
“You both will leave here tomorrow. I’ll arrange a ship to depart for Phthia under the high sun. It will be a debt you owe to me and I expect payment to be sent back with my ship.”  
That was that. Our stay on Sykros that felt like a sentence was finally to be over. When the king left, Deidamia followed, exposing the few drops of blood on the floor where she had stood and shouted at us. I thought how I’d never understand womanly processes, nor their emotions. We returned to bed, our minds and bodies weary. Soon, I fell asleep.  
I dreamed of nature, of the forest and the mountains. Walking through the wood, I soon came to a gently moving river and I went for a swim. I lied on my back and floated along as the water slowly carried me. Not after long, the current picked up and I found myself unable to escape to the bank. The surface was violent and white, pushing me underneath it any chance it got. Once when I came up again, I saw I was no longer in a river but in a rough ocean. Though its waves were fierce, I knew it wasn’t the water pulling me under. It was a chain around my ankles. It dragged me deep out of the reach of sunlight. It starved me of air and I shot awake.  
At the foot of my bed was a dark figure. The room now smelled of salt. Thetis. I blinked hard, hoping that when I opened them she would be gone. She was not. In a swift flash, she was beside me, her damp hand clutching my throat.  
“I know what you did, you pathetic worm.” She did not whisper. Her breath was cold on my face and she leaned in even closer. “The spell was supposed to be for Deidamia.” She spoke through her teeth. “You have wasted a great favor from Aphrodite herself.”  
I choked when I tried to speak, to explain it was an accident. It was good that I didn’t, though. It would have been foolish to give her any ideas about actually poisoning me.  
“He could have stayed here had that barren excuse for a princess taken the fertility spell.”  
_Fertility spell? So it wasn’t Achilles’ fault after all_. I tried to gulp. I could not.  
Thetis was frozen for a long moment. Slowly, she released her grip and stood. “No…” Her shiny black eyes trailed down my body and she threw the sheet from the bed, exposing me. “It cannot be...” She said finally.  
“What have you done?” My voice was hoarse and quiet. Partly because I had been strangled, and partly because I was terrified.  
She immediately tensed, pushing her hand to my middle and clutching hard. “What have I done? What have I done?” A dark laugh emerged from low in her throat. “Should I kill you now? Or should I let this,” she dug her nails into my belly, “do it for me?”  
I shook my head. I was sweating now. “Please, I don’t know what you mean.”  
Thetis let go and turned away. “You will soon enough.” She disappeared as quickly as she came.  
I was frozen there, cold from the breeze through the open window; I did not dare to move. There I lay awake for hours, contemplating what Thetis could have possibly meant. One after another, terrifying thoughts of curiosity continued to spring up in my mind, though none of them seemed more likely than the one I was fearing the most. Something like this did not sound like a possibility without context, but from the information Thetis had given me, it most definitely was the likeliest of all.  
-  
Morning came and I woke once again. Achilles had gotten up and started preparing for the journey. We had no belongings with us, so there was not much to prepare. I sat up in bed and looked around. The sun was still low in the sky and the memory of last night was still fresh in my mind. All of me had hoped it was a dream, so I looked down at my stomach to see if there were marks from Thetis. There on my lower belly was a bruise surrounded by five thin punctures. It had not been a dream.  
“Achilles…” I breathed. “Something happened…”  
Brushing his long hair, he turned to me. “And what is that?”  
“Your mother was here last night.”  
“She was?” He put down his comb and came over to me. Soon he saw the bruise and collapsed on the bed beside me. “What has she done to you!”  
“She grabbed me by my throat, then dug her nails into my stomach. She was angry, but said she did not wish to kill me…”  
“Did she say why she came? Why she was angry?”  
“The poison...” My lips pursed and my brow furrowed, I held my breath for a moment, afraid to say the words.  
“Patroclus! Tell me what happened, please.”  
“I… I’m pregnant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the great comments, guys! I know I'm posting like every day but don't get too used to it, I'm just currently in a really good state of writer's...? What's the opposite of writer's block? Because I am SWIMMING in that.


	4. Soon Enough

_Soon enough._ It was an eerie phrase. I heard Thetis say it over and over in my head last night as I lay there in fear. Of course it was ominous and threatening, this was not the first time she uttered those words to me. Different words were on my mind now. Words that shocked me as they escaped my lips. _I’m pregnant_.  
“Don’t be silly, Patroclus.” Achilles did not seem bothered by my discovery.  
“Achilles,” I breathed, “trust me.”  
His face blank, he was silent for a moment. “What leads you to believe this?”  
I sighed. “Remember the poison? It wasn’t poison, and it wasn’t meant for me. It was for Deidamia, a fertility spell from Aphrodite.”  
Achilles remained quiet, processing things as I said them. He nodded me to go on.  
“Your mother figured it out right in front of me. She… She said it will kill me.”  
“Well what if it was poison after all? You have no womb to make fertile, so perhaps the spell acted negatively on you instead.”  
I bit my lip as I turned my head aside. I hadn’t considered that. It would explain the horrible pain I was in after consuming it. I shook my head. “No, because then I would have been dead long ago. I think…” Things like this were hard to say. They felt weird to say.  
“Think what?”  
“I think the spell gave me one.”  
Achilles blinked. “Gave you a what, Patroclus? Just talk to me.”  
“A womb. The pain must have been the spell tearing up the flesh inside to create one.” My face scrunched. “And then later on we…”  
We were both quiet for a while. It was a lot to take in, for both of us. We knew nothing for sure, but still we were scared. We would have accepted any other answer but this.  
“I believe you.” Achilles said finally.  
“I wish you didn’t. I wish you would tell me that I’m crazy and this is impossible.”  
He lowered his head. “I have no reason to believe it’s not. A fertility spell from Aphrodite, the goddess of such matters? And not to mention the state you were in after you woke up.”  
I tilted my head. “What state?”  
Achilles smiled. “Oh, Patroclus. I had never seen you so desperate, or felt you clutch me so tight.”  
My cheeks went red, I felt their warmth. “Is that surprising to you?”  
“A lust that strong must have been instinctive.” He cracked a nervous smile. “I think your womb craved my seed.”  
I didn’t know whether to feel flattered or uncomfortable. It was a strange thing to hear. It was a strange situation in all. “So… Now what?”  
“We go back to Phthia and perhaps…” He trailed off, soon realizing the situation. “I will go to war. You will go to war.”  
“I can hide. I am no longer the son of Menoetius, remember?”  
“No… In these passing years they will be desperate. You cannot go to war like this. But maybe if you were honest-”  
I scoffed. “They wouldn’t accept this,” I gestured to my middle, “as an excuse.”  
Achilles chewed on his lip. “You're right. And if I go to war I might not return, leaving you and the…” He did not say it. I’m glad he didn’t. It took getting used to.  
“We cannot go back.” He said sternly.  
My heart sank. We were so close to freedom. “Then what do we do?”  
He did not know. Neither of us did. It was then that Deidamia burst through our door and threw her arms around Achilles.  
“Oh, Achilles!” She gasped. “Please don’t leave me! Fake illness, pray to the gods- pay, beg, or even threaten my father if you have to!”  
I saw no real reason why she wanted him so badly. I suppose having a husband is reason enough, but she could have had a better one, one who loved her and paid attention to her. All Achilles ever did was have nightly intercourse with her, and that was something she could use a servant for.  
“I must go, Deidamia. I’m sorry.” Achilles wasn’t uncaring of her emotions, he just seemed to ignore them since they weren’t ever surprising.  
“You can’t go! We can keep trying! Oh Achilles I’m begging you to come up with something, some reason to stay!”  
A thought, a crazy thought, appeared in my mind. “Deidamia…”  
She leaned out past Achilles to throw a frown at me. “Shut up, you! You can go, get on the boat and leave us.”  
“But then you won’t have a baby.” The words poured out of my mouth faster than I could contemplate them. It was crazy indeed.  
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she said with a scoff, “with you gone, my husband will have no distractions. I predict we will be successful the moment you sail off.”  
“It won’t matter. You’re barren.”  
The princess’ eyes were wide with fury and her lips parted in utter shock at my audacity. “I’ll kill you for saying that!” Baring her teeth, she lunged forward. She grabbed a stone figure off the table and swung it backwards in preparation to throw.  
Achilles stopped her, his mighty hand wrapped firmly around her forearm. She knew how strong he was. She knew she could never touch me if he was here.  
I exhaled, relaxing and looking down to find my hand protectively over my middle. I hadn’t even thought of it. Deidamia caught this and squinted.  
“What are you doing?” She asked intuitively.  
Embarrassed, I pulled my hand away. My cheeks were pink, I know she saw this. She leaned in.  
“What are you implying, Patroclus? Are you trying to get me to believe that YOU are pregnant?” She laughed. “You’re the one who is ‘barren’ you idiot! Men cannot conceive or carry children, everyone knows that!”  
I wouldn’t fight with her, I would simply tell her the facts. “I took a fertility spell that was supposed to be for you. This is the work of Aphrodite.”  
Deidamia opened her mouth to speak, glancing to Achilles. He nodded. She was quiet. “You ruin everything! That’s supposed to be MY baby!”  
She lunged forward again and I held out my arms in defense. “It is!”  
Achilles turned around and looked at me, puzzled. “What do you mean?”  
“Take it as yours when it’s born. Until then, hide the truth and fake your pregnancy.” It was a long shot. I hadn’t discussed it with Achilles. We hadn’t thought about any of this for very long. It made my head hurt to do so.  
Deidamia, still tense, tightened her lips and was quiet. The emotions on her face told the tale of inner reasoning, and finally she relaxed. “Very well. But I have some conditions.”  
“Of course.” I said calmly.  
“In addition to giving up claim to your child at its birth, you will also surrender Achilles to me. Then, you must leave my kingdom and never return.” She leaned on her hip. “It is a small price to pay for all the grief you’ve caused me and for stealing my baby in the first place.”  
“I cannot accept that.” My voice was clear and strong. I had never bargained before, and I didn’t want to fail at a time like this. “Achilles and I must stay together.”  
“Preposterous!” Deidamia exclaimed. “I don’t just want a child, I want a husband! I want his undivided attention and unconditional love.”  
Achilles asserted himself. “You will not get this from me, even with Patroclus gone.”  
Deidamia looked at him with worried eyes. She stammered, “why don’t you want me?”  
“Because I want Patroclus. I will continue my duties as a husband but I will never love you.”  
She looked broken. She did not speak.  
“I suggest you search for love elsewhere, with a gentleman in the palace. I will not condemn you for an affair, you deserve to be happy as I am.”  
I spoke up. “Wouldn’t you like a man to love you as he loves me? A man who adores you and tells you of your beauty and grace?”  
She peered at me angrily. “I want him to stop loving you!”  
“It will never happen,” Achilles glanced over to me, “I promise that.”  
Deidamia stomped her foot and folded her arms tightly over her chest. Achilles rested his hand her shoulder. “Listen to me. It’s a good deal. You get a child, I stay here and continue fulfilling my husbandly deeds, and you have an affair that brings you all the love and happiness you could want.”  
“And once the war is over, Achilles can  
reveal himself and your marriage will become public.” This meant we would stay here forever. I did not know yet if I would mind that. It was part of the plan for now, but I knew it could change.  
“Yes, and the child will proudly bear my name.” Achilles smiled. I knew this comment wasn’t meant for her, but she was comforted by it.  
While she contemplated, I did as well. It would be strange, living in a palace with my love and his wife as they raise my child. _My child_. Everything about this was strange, especially those words. It felt better thinking about it as Achilles’, or even ours.  
“Alright.” Deidamia said finally. “Then we have an agreement.”  
She and Achilles embraced for a moment before she pulled away. “I’ll go tell my father now that it was a mistake, that I am pregnant.”  
Achilles nodded and off she went. He looked at me with this look of confused joy in his eyes. “We did it. We’re safe now.”  
I smiled, grabbing his hand and pulling him onto the bed. “I love you.” I breathed.  
He beamed. “I love you too.”  
-  
It was a long while before we saw Thetis again. We had assumed she was content with the situation, that Achilles was allowed to stay and avoid war. I had thought about what she said. That the child would kill me soon enough. If that was true, what would happen to it? If it died as well, Achilles would be left without me and without a child. Would he be sent away, unable to fulfill the bargain with Deidamia and the arrangement with her father? These were the things I thought about as I lay awake one winter night, Achilles asleep beside me and my hand resting over the small swell that had started to emerge in my middle.  
My eyelids were heavy. Just as I started to close them, there she was. “Thetis.” I whispered.  
“I appreciate your quick thinking. Agamemnon would have taken him in a heartbeat if he returned.”  
“But what?” I knew there was a reason for her being here.  
“You won’t last long. You may have grown a womb, but your body is not meant for child rearing.” She poked at me, hard prodding and it hurt. “It will grow and it will break you. Depending on how soon it happens, you both may die.”  
Indeed I was frail, but this was the work of a goddess, a powerful one at that. I was confident I would make it, that we both would. “I don’t believe you.”  
Thetis cocked her head. “You should.” Her hand crept to my belly, sending a panic through me and I shielded it. She laughed. “You cannot protect it from me. Should it survive your death, I will take it to live with me in the caves. Achilles as well.”  
“Over my dead body.” I spoke through my teeth. I should have been afraid, but something changed. I was defensive, assertive. I would not let her come between Achilles and I, nor our child that grew within me.  
She scoffed with a smile. “Soon enough.”  
She was gone.


	5. Strong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so the writers block finally set in! I got stuck like halfway through yesterday and wasn’t able to finish until now (11pm). So enjoy this fluffy chapter of homesick Patroclus making mom friends

The moon was a waning crescent this cold night, marking five months since my pregnancy began and two since we discovered it. We were in the middle of winter and there was snow the next morning. The white landscape made Sykros feel like home. Not Phthia, Pelion. In our daydreaming, Achilles and I would fantasize of one day escaping back to the mountain and living out our lives there, the three of us. Crushingly, it was only to be a daydream. Deidamia was eager to meet her child and begin a true marriage with Achilles.  
We ate breakfast together as the snow fell. Peeking through the window, we could see it covering the beach. Deidamia was wearing a dress stuffed with cloth to look exactly as my body did. Because her marriage to Achilles wasn’t public, a pregnancy must be hidden. Both of us wore concealing clothing, but she did a better job.  
Achilles would often tap his fingers on my belly under the table, making me aware of how noticeable it had become. I would look down at his dancing digits and then to him, fondly. The way he looked at me now was heart-melting to say the least. I felt as if his love for me continued to grow as I did. _Of course it does. He loves us. Us._  
“Can we go for a walk, please?” I begged Achilles as we walked back to our room. This had been the first real snow of winter. The flakes were thick and fluffy and stuck to the sand instead of melting. They accumulated much like they did on Pelion. He knew I was homesick. We both were.  
“Alright.” He said finally. “But bundle up well. Can’t let you be ill all over again.”  
Deidamia called it pregnancy illness and she chose not to mimic it, something that astounded her older servants with children of their own. I was not exempt from such an illness and it had lasted for months, just recently subsiding. Because of this, I hardly left the palace, hardly had the privilege to enjoy fresh air, cold and crisp.  
Now I was feeling better and I refused to pass on any opportunity to relish in such pleasures. Telling him it would help did not convince Achilles. He was diligent in keeping me safe and healthy. I loved him for it, among other things.  
I donned a heavy cloak that covered nearly my entire body. The thick material was woven, unlike the skins and furs we wore in the winters on Pelion. Additionally, it was not fitted like the shirts I wore in the palace. Tenting outwards, it made my figure more obvious than without. Achilles assured me I did not look suspicious. I had a difficult time believing him.  
“I know many a hefty man with paunches much larger than this.” He told me as we shuffled through the snow to the beach.  
Beneath my cloak, my hands were resting on my middle and I looked down at its swell. “But they are proportionate. Have you ever known a man so thin with a belly so protruding?”  
Achilles pondered. “I have not.”  
I sighed. “And it will only get bigger.” I worried how much longer I would be able to take these walks, or to even leave my bedroom at all. _People will stare. They will look at me then to Deidamia, whose appearance will discreetly mimic my own. They will grow suspicious. I am not discrete._ I frowned.  
Achilles reached out from under his own cloak to take my hand. “You worry yourself too much.”  
My eyes rolled. “I have good reason to worry. I always will.”  
We did not walk far, the storm grew stronger and the snow fell heavy. Fluffy white flakes had been accumulating on our shoulders and heads. Some of Achilles’ hair wasn’t all the way tucked under his hood and the glistening crystals caught in it. He didn’t have to be a god, for he always looked like one to me. I smiled at him and he grinned back, blowing a small pile of snow off his gloved hand to me. We laughed and exchanged handfuls of packed snow, careful not to hit our faces. This playfulness wasn’t something we could share often, so we cherished it when we had the chance.  
In the palace, we gathered in the main hall to welcome some of Lycomedes’ guests. _Royalty, perhaps?_ They were announced in the manner in which men of high stature were. Two fur-clad men were seated among the court along with what must have been their wives. Children ran about the hall, a sight I had not yet seen in the palace. Deidamia’s foster sisters were all older, not one was younger than eleven, I believe.  
There were four boys and one girl. She was seated beside her mother while the boys ran about. Her quiet and unplayful demeanor reminded me of myself at her age. The difference, however, was that she had her own self composure. As a child, I was simply obeying my father’s orders to stay put, to not ruin anything. I blinked when I heard my name called.  
“Huh?” I hadn’t listened to who spoke it.  
“Chironides.” Said the king again. I wished I had heard him the first time, I felt like a dunce.  
“Yes, your majesty?”  
“These are my good friends, Erseus and Heramedes.”  
They stood and nodded. I bowed my head. “It’s a pleasure to meet you both.”  
The old king cleared his throat. “Go on then, introduce yourself to my guests.”  
Caught off guard, I stammered. “M-my name is Chrionides, I am the husband of the princess’ lady-in-waiting.”  
They both ignored me, and Erseus clapped his hands together. “Speaking of the princess, it’s been ages since I’ve seen those dancers of hers!”  
The men hooted in agreement and Lycomedes nodded to Deidamia, who was already seated. Achilles and I were still standing in the doorway holding our cloaks, so I found myself a seat while he followed her to the chambers to fetch the girls.  
Soon, out they came, dresses twirling and veils swaying as they danced about the hall. The boys had been called back to the table by their mothers and they watched in amusement at the ballet of fabric. Wrists and ankles flew delicately around them, each move deliberate and soft. Achilles danced with Deidamia, as he usually did for guests. His hair hadn’t been curled and pinned so he kept it wrapped up like the rest of the sisters. When we were alone, I loved to watch him dance with his hair down. It bounced and flowed so beautifully, like waves crashing along the shore and receding softer than they came.  
“Your wife is very beautiful.” Came a shy voice to my right. It was one of the wives. I did not know whose, I wasn’t introduced.  
I smiled nonetheless. “Thank you. Phyrra will be flattered to hear this.”  
The woman was beautiful, herself. Looking her over, I noticed a baby in her arms, nursing at her breast. It was wrapped in a blanket and all I saw was its head. Thin wisps of black hair hardly covered the olive skin that matched its mother’s. I found myself looking a bit too long and turned away, but not before she noticed me do so.  
“Do you have any children?” She asked sheepishly. I wondered if she thought her husband might scold her if she spoke too loud.  
“No, not yet.” I replied. “When Deidamia marries, we will take our lives elsewhere. Maybe then we will have a family.”  
She nodded. “A big one, probably. She has magnificently wide hips, very motherly.”  
I struggled to keep a pleased face. _Of course Achilles is the one with the perfect body for this. A child would not hurt him, birth would not kill him._ I thought about what Thetis told me. I tried not to.  
“I have four of my own.” She spoke again. I was thankful her soft voice interrupted my negative thoughts. She gestured to the baby in her lap, then pointed to two of the four boys fidgeting on the opposite side of the table, and finally to the girl.  
The boys couldn’t be bothered to acknowledge me, but the little girl in the seat between us turned to me and smiled gently.  
“It’s okay, now,” her mother nudged her, “say hello.”  
She licked her lips and took a breath. “Hello. My name is Gesia. It is a pleasure to meet you.” The words came out so smoothly, as if she had been rehearsing them for years. I thought for a moment. She probably had.  
“Chironides, the pleasure is mine.” I smiled at her. She was small and sweet, maybe around five years old. It made me think of when Achilles and I were that age, when I saw him for the first time at the games. The thought was strange, but warm. _We were children then, and now we have a child of our own on the way._  
The dance winded down to a close and the girls curtsied before shuffling back through the curtained doorway on the side of the hall. Achilles went with them, and I excused myself to leave as well.  
“You were wonderful, as always.” I told him when we met outside the hall.  
“Thank you.” He said, grinning, as he took his cloak from my arms. “You got along well with one of the wives it seems.”  
“Mhmm. She was kind. She said you are beautiful.” _And that you have the perfect body for pregnancy, unlike me._ I couldn’t shake that thought, couldn’t return this terrible fear to the back of my mind where it had lied for months. I had done well ignoring it for a while.  
Behind his veil, Achilles blushed. He took my hand. “You are beautiful as well.”  
Sweet words like these were my weakness, I couldn’t help but smile.  
-  
Later that night, we gathered for dinner. Lycomedes’ male guests sat with him at the dias and the women and children were sent to another table. I was sent along with them. Not that I minded, they were all very kind. We conversed and Achilles became acquainted with the wives as I had earlier. The boys ran about the hall while the girl played with her utensils. The baby was asleep in his mother’s arms as she rocked him gently.  
Dinner came out steaming hot, warming the chilly room. Lately, I had been uninterested in meat and was content with vegetables and soup. Achilles was not. He wanted me to eat meat to keep up my strength. At his request, shredded chicken was added to my soup tonight. It was pleasant and I was thankful. Warm and delectable, it soothed my whole body, a sensation I was comforted by in this weather. Such comforts reminded me again of winters on Pelion, when Chiron would helped us to make broth which we filled with meats and roots. All of a sudden, a different sensation rushed through me.  
“Oh…” I hadn’t realized I spoke. The feeling surprised me and I dropped my spoon.  
Pausing his conversation, Achilles turned his head instantly and looked to me. “Is everything alright, my love?”  
My eyes locked with his, unable to tell him what had happened, that I felt our child move within me. With a short smile, I nodded. “Yes, of course.”  
Throughout the rest of the meal, I contained my excitement. I tried my best to keep my hands away from my middle as not to look so suspicious. Achilles kept an eye on me the whole time. I knew he was worried, so I smiled at him each time he glanced my way. It seemed to reassure him after the fourth or fifth time.  
Once we finally reached the privacy of our bedroom, I smiled at Achilles. “I felt it.” I said at last.  
He blinked. “You did?”  
“It wasn’t like the fluttering from before, this was stronger.” I thought for a moment. “You could probably feel it too. Would you like to?”  
His smile grew wide and he nodded, bringing both hands to my belly. Letting me guide him, we waited. A long time passed before anything happened, but when it did his eyes lit up.  
“Strong indeed!” He laughed.  
We brought our foreheads together and stood like this for a short while, his hands on my middle and mine resting atop them. It was just us. _I wish it could stay like this._ Moments like these put deep tears in my heart. Here I was, carrying a child and developing a bond with it, knowing I would not be the one to raise it. _By Gods, it won’t even know who I am._  
“Patroclus?” Achilles’ voice broke my trance.  
My cheeks were wet. I had begun crying and not even realized it.  
He wiped my eyes dry with his thumb and kissed my forehead. “Things will be alright.” Of course he knew what I was thinking. He was good at that, always had been. “We will find a way, Patroclus. We are strong, too.”  
_Strong._ I liked that. I knew that. Somehow we would make it, I was sure now.


	6. Disease

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: the flu virus has been around for 3000 slutty, slutty years! Patroclus gets sick and some secrets come out...

Following the harsh storms of winter that brought many a visitor to the island looking for shelter, spring had finally returned. With it came the birds, the animals, the flowers, and a horrible sickness. This disease swept throughout mainland and made its way to Skyros. Some believe the winter visitors brought it over since the sailors were the first to fall noticeably ill. After them came their families in the village, and finally the disease made its way to the palace. It infected servants, then our food, and then me.  
Swiftly, it breezed over Achilles; he was strong and resilient. Others were not so lucky, for it took many lives and stumped just about every doctor who examined its victims. Soon, just under a quarter of the island’s population succumbed. No herbs, medicines, prayers, or spells could save those people, the Gods know we tried. A handful of Deidamia’s foster sisters were among those to die, but the rest of the palace managed to recover after the infected were quarantined in the west wing. Nobody knew I was sick, so I was not sent with them.  
I had spent the last month staying in my room as much as possible. My pregnancy had grown too noticeable to hide any longer. The clothes of Skyros were loose grey garments wrapped in cord. Women often cinched their waists with the golden string, while men tied it just above their hips. I recall one morning before I fell ill, trying on one of my shirts and finding I looked absolutely ridiculous. The round bulge in my lower abdomen was accentuated by the fact that it nearly overhung the cord itself. It was then I decided my days of walking around the palace and taking strolls on the beach were over. I mourned this for a few days, and that’s when the sickness came.  
I warned Achilles not to bring the doctor, since he would know right away of my condition, but he insisted that ensuring both of us survived was more important than keeping the secret. Still I refused, and still he cared for me during the nights where I lay awake in my illness, my body sweating and my chest heaving. I knew this was the wrong decision. I knew this may be the death of me, just as Thetis predicted. But there was no other choice, I was sure of that. _If the doctor discovers my pregnancy, he may soon realize that Deidamia’s is a lie. Then all of us will be shamed. Achilles and I will be sent away. To war. To our deaths._ My chest convulsed and leaned over the bed to empty my stomach into a pail.  
After eight days of watching me suffer, Achilles had had enough. I awoke one morning expecting breakfast, but instead saw a doctor beside my bed, holding a cloth over his nose and mouth. I remembered his large eyes, but had not seen them so wide as they were when he looked upon my sickly image. My skin was pale and beads of sweat covered it, though I remember being cold to the touch. Lacking the ability to keep food down long enough, my body had become thin and weary. My ribs were visible now and my hip bones protruded, my swollen belly nestled in between them.  
As the doctor looked me over, I watched a story play out on his face. Shock, disbelief, curiosity, then somehow acceptance. Achilles places a hand on his shoulder and they looked at each other.  
“Please, you cannot tell anyone.” He said gravely, his eyes desperate.  
The doctor hummed. “This is the princess’ child, isn’t it?”  
My quickly beating heart jumped into my throat. I thought I would throw up again.  
Achilles’ jaw tightened. “How did you know?”  
“I’ve known her pregnancy to be a charade for some time now. I am her doctor, after all.” He put down his bag and began taking out various vials and jars. “She confessed to me that she was unable to conceive and found a surrogate. I pressed for her to disclose the identity so that I may offer my assistance, but she refused to say anything more.”  
He knew everything. My heart thumped louder and louder and I threw myself over the side of the bed to heave into the pail.  
“I thought it may be one of her sisters, or perhaps a servant. I did not expect it would be…” he trailed off.  
“A man?” I wheezed.  
Achilles hushed me as he dabbed my forehead with a cloth. He looked again to the doctor. “I beg that you don’t speak a word of this to anyone. Our lives depend on it.”  
He was wearing his dress, but no veil. The doctor knew for sure now that he was also a man. As for his true identity, he still seemed unaware. This eased me, at least just a little.  
“Trust that I will keep my silence. I have a secret of my own that could mean the end of my life if it were to surface.”  
We both looked to him, curious and hoping he might say more. However, he was quiet for awhile, moving to the table on the other side of the room to work silently with his medicines. Achilles sat on the bed with me and ran his fingers through my hair.  
“See? I said everything would be alright, didn’t I?” He smiled gently, bringing his hand to rest on my middle. Both of us waited, hoping to feel something, but the child was still.  
We had worried for some time that the baby was ill as well since I felt no movement, but in the days following the doctor’s arrival and heeding his advice, it started to pick back up again. Sure the reassurement that my child was alive and well was a relief, but the hard kicks to my insides worsened the nausea. It wasn’t until the end of the third week that I finally was able to go an entire day without losing any of my meals.  
In the coming days, with help from Achilles, I could finally walk again. One quiet evening, he guided me to the bathtub and I enjoyed my first bath in weeks. The warm water washing over my sore body soothed and relaxed me, much more than the wet rag we had previously used to bathe me. Usually when we bathed together, we would take turns washing one another, taking pleasure in giving pleasure. Achilles assured me that this time was just for me.  
“Lean back onto me.” He whispered softly.  
I obeyed. I let out a quiet groan as I reclined, struggling to do so slowly as to not completely fall back. Achilles put a hand behind me and gently guided me into his arms. He took a rag and washed it over my chest, rubbing in slow circles as he made his way down to my belly. I sighed, content of course. I hadn’t remembered the time I felt so relaxed, so at ease, and so utterly loved all at the same time. _Would any other man do this for his partner? The love of his life who carries his child? Perhaps, but none of them are Achilles. He is so much more than any other man._  
“How do you feel?” He asked me, reaching down to press a kiss to my forehead.  
“Blissful.” I replied.  
“Are you nauseous?”  
“Not at all.”  
“Is the baby alright?”  
“Seems so.”  
“I love you.”  
“I love you, too.”


	7. Slim to None

Deidamia looked me over as I stood before her, my hands pushing on my back to stretch.  
“Do you do that a lot?” She was curious, taking mental notes of my mannerisms.  
I shrugged. “I suppose so. My back aches constantly and this seems to help.”  
The princess scoffed. “Quit your complaining. Be grateful that you’re lucky enough to be pregnant at all.”  
Comments like these were not surprising during our weekly meetings. She studied my body and adjusted her padding to replicate it. I told her that copying my movements and characteristics wasn’t necessary, but she was insistent. Knowing her envy for my pregnancy, I believed it was because it was the closest thing she had to the real thing.  
“I don’t know if you heard, but I’ve started meeting with the palace doctor as well.”  
“Oh, Lioscorus?” Deidamia descended gracefully into the rocking chair Achilles had brought for me.  
“I presume that’s his name. I hadn’t learned it yet.”  
She fiddled with her padding, moving and shifting it so she could sit comfortably. “That’s because you’re not a close friend of his like I am.”  
With a small grunt, I lowered myself onto the bed, using my arms for support the best I could. The bed was low to the ground and usually Achilles would help me settle into it, but he was out collecting fruit to bring back for us. I came to find that I loved plums more than I ever had.  
“You know,” she began again, idly brushing her hair with her fingers, “my father hardly even notices that you’re gone.”  
I didn’t care to hear this. “Why didn’t you tell the doctor it was me?”  
Deidamia’s eyes darted across the room. “Because I didn’t want to tell your secret, of course.”  
_Lie._ “I want the truth.”  
She sat up in her seat, hands clenching the armrests. “How dare you call me a liar!”  
“Tell me why you really didn’t want the doctor to see me. Is it because you secretly wanted me to die from that disease? Did you forget I would have taken your baby down with me? Or have you lost interest in our deal altogether? Perhaps-”  
“SHUT UP!” She screamed, finally lifting herself from the chair. “I didn’t want him to know my child was being carried by a man! Let alone my husband’s lover!”  
Quietly, I watched her. Her chest rose and fell heavily, her lips parted and fists balled.  
“You cannot possibly know how this feels! That a man is more fertile than me!”  
I wanted to stand, to walk over and diffuse her anger. It was more trouble than it was worth. I remained sitting. “Listen, Deidamia. It will all be worth it when you finally have your baby. You’ll be a mother soon, just like you wanted.”  
“I’ll never be a real mother!” She screamed. “I’ll never be a real woman!”  
Tears began to pool in her eyes and streamed down her face when she shut them hard. “I’m having an affair.” She said finally.  
“Oh.” I did not know what else to say. It didn’t seem like the time for congratulations.  
Cheeks wet and red, she crossed her arms high on her chest. “It’s not all that I hoped it would be. He says loves me, but he demeans me for my situation.”  
_How many people has she told..._ “What did you tell him?”  
“That I’m barren.”  
I hadn’t heard her confess this before. It was the first time I knew of her accepting it. She started crying more than before and her face fell into her hands, squishing the padding around her middle.  
“He thinks of me as a useless woman. I cannot give him children and I cannot marry him. He… he told me he might as well be fucking a slave girl.”  
I wasn’t sure what to say. I looked down. Without speaking any more words, the crying died down and Deidamia soon left the room silently. I don’t think either of us knew what to make of all that.  
-  
Rain patterned against the window. A small leak dripped into a pail in the corner of the room. It had been raining for a few days now. Achilles had just come from breakfast, bringing back with him my food. Though I felt like a prisoner, confided to my room for the past few months, he made me happy with those sweet gestures of his. Flowers had been growing in the grass beside the beach, and he would bring me some every day. We’d open the window and let in the light, the air, the warmth. The stone walls of the room were cold to the touch, remnant of the winter’s chill. The ambient sun warmed them, warmed my face, warmed my skin.  
“Bread and eggs. And daisies.” Achilles set the plate in my hands and pressed his lips to mine.  
“Thank you, my love.” I smiled up at him before I started eating.  
My golden boy was doting, loving, and absolutely infatuated with our child. As he ran his hands over my rounded belly, his eyes lit up beautifully. His heart melted at the small movements, which he proudly deemed strong. Watching this, fantasies flooded my mind. _We live in the forest, our family safe and our lives quiet. Our little one plays in the stream while his parents watch on._ I imagined a boy. We never talked about it, but I think we both wanted that.  
Later that day, was relaxed in my rocking chair, comfortably free of clothing on my upper half. My chest had been sweaty lately, reminding me of the illness that covered my cold body in the salty droplets. Lioscorus, the doctor, assured me it was fairly normal, especially when late-term pregnancy falls in the spring or summer. When he came to see me that day for one of his regular visits, I was near asleep in my chair, absently running my hands over my bare middle as I bathed in the soft afternoon sunlight.  
“Chironides.” He said. “You look well.”  
Startled by the sudden voice that didn’t belong to Achilles, I jumped awake. “Oh, good afternoon, doctor. Thank you.”  
He set down his things and began looking me over. I did as he directed and answered any questions he had, most of them pertaining to my recovery from the disease that wiped out all those people, many pregnant women among them. He worried for me, for my child. I knew it wasn’t because the princess demanded him to, she made that clear the last time I spoke to her.  
Across the room, Achilles watched us. Unlike our previous meetings with the doctor, he was silent, his face twisted. I could tell he had questions burning inside him. At last, he stood. “I need to ask you something.”  
The doctor turned from me to face him. “Yes?”  
Achilles chewed on his lip. “How… how close is he?”  
“I’d say just over two months left to go.”  
He nodded, but there was more. “And you’ll be here? You’ll help him deliver the child?”  
“Of course.”  
Still, something else was burdening him, something big. I could see it in the tightness of his small, nervous movements. “Will he make it?”  
Lioscorus took a sharp breath. “I can’t say for sure.”  
“Tell me the odds.” Achilles replied.  
The doctor was silent.  
I stepped in. “I want to know as well.”  
He sighed. “Slim. Slim to none.”  
My heart sank as I collapsed into my chair. Achilles stumbled backwards. We knew this from the beginning. This truth was the only reason Thetis hadn’t killed me herself. It was her plan all along to build us up and then have Achilles watch his family be ripped from him. With nothing left to love in the mortal world, it would be the perfect way to convince him to finally become a god.  
“Please,” Achilles started, his voice breaking, “is there anything we can do?”  
“Nothing that I am capable of.”  
I sat up. “What does that mean?”  
Lioscorus folded his hands. “You are virtually incapable of giving birth due to your unconventional body, but there is one way I can think to birth the child.”  
“A-anything,” Achilles stammered, “we’ll try anything.”  
“Surgical births are a new topic of study among doctors on the mainland. But so far, no woman has survived the procedure.”  
“Can’t you perform it?” I asked eagerly.  
With a laughing scoff, the doctor shook his head. “I have never performed any kind of surgery, let alone one of such complexity!”  
“Why would you tell us of something so hopeful if we have no means of obtaining it?” Achilles was fuming. “We’re trapped here, bound by my mother’s agreement with the king and ours with the princess.”  
Lioscorus sighed, lowering his head. “I’m afraid I’ve been keeping something from you.”  
Achilles and I looked to each other, then back to the doctor.  
“Assuming you survive the birth, the princess… is plotting to kill you. Both of you.”  
Speechless, our mouths fell open. _Us? The baby and I?_  
“She wants the child, but needs you two out of the way so that she can marry her lover.”  
I watched Achilles’ chest tighten. “How do you know this?”  
“Because I am her lover. She asked me to do the deed for her. Needless to say, I refused.”  
My brow furrowed. “Why would you refuse her demand? Don’t you want to be king?”  
“Of course I do. But not like this. It’s sick.”  
I stood, though it took me some time. “And you’re telling us this because...?”  
“I want to help you escape.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter! I stuffed a LOT in here and cut it short so I could put a ton of explanation into the next chapter. Let me know what you guys think!


	8. Change

The doctor read the quiet room and lowered his head. “I understand it may be hard for you to believe, but I want to help you.”  
Achilles walked around him to meet my side, stepping a foot forward to put himself between Lioscorus and I. “How can we trust you? How do we even know that you are indeed Deidamia’s lover?”  
“Ask her yourself, Phyrra. You are her husband after all.”  
It was strange to hear him still referred to as a woman despite the truth having already been revealed. His face scrunched. “I am, and I find it hard to believe she’s lost all interest in me.”  
“I’m sorry to say that she has. She followed your advice and found true love with me. All she wants now is for your marriage to be terminated so that she can remarry to someone who isn’t in hiding.”  
I stiffened. _Does he know or not?_ “So then what will she say about her previous marriage to the child’s father? It was a secret after all.”  
Lioscorus shrugged. “She didn’t disclose everything to me. I fear she doesn’t have an explanation for that yet.” Sighing, he rubbed his face. “I know she hasn’t thought all this through. If I were to obey her and kill you, we would surely be prosecuted due to the many holes in her plan.”  
“So it’s not about your kindness,” started Achilles, “it’s just that you know you’ll get caught.”  
“Of course not!” The doctor’s voice was raised momentarily, but he cleared his throat and quieted down. “You two deserve the baby; you have a love beyond any I’ve come to see.”  
Words so flattering worried me. _How could he be this sincere?_ “I spoke with Deidamia recently. She had some negative things to say about you.”  
“Like what?”  
“That you demean her for her infertility, that you’d be better off with a slave.”  
Scoffing, Lioscorus rolled his eyes. “She’s lying to you. I’m no stranger to her deception, she’s tried to convince me that you two are evil people for weeks now. I know that you’re not.”  
I rested my hand atop my belly. “So what is your plan then? For escape?”  
“A trade ship is leaving tomorrow morning. I’ve been informed that the captain is welcoming those who are willing to pay for passage.”  
Achilles squinted. “Where is it sailing to?”  
The doctor was quick, with no hesitation. “Phthia.”  
My breath hitched, as did Achilles’. He chewed his lip for a moment. “We… we’ll think about it.”  
“Please do. But be quick about it, this may be the last boat leaving for the season before the rain comes.”  
It was true. The rainy season had started to set in, causing trouble for sailors across the seas. Achilles had told me a few days prior of a shipwreck that washed in just off the island; the survivors came to shore and were to be heading home soon, probably on this boat. This boat bound for Phthia. The idea of going back there sent a shiver down my spine. I could tell Achilles felt the same way. We both knew what would happen if someone recognized him.  
After Lioscorus left, it was just the two of us. We had until sunrise to decide what to do. It wasn’t an easy feat, there were plenty of reasons not to believe the doctor. _Perhaps it’s a trap? He knew our identities all along and this is his way of sending us to war._ Along with that was the matter of Deidamia’s common madness, the obsession and jealousy that drove her every decision. She spent years loving Achilles and he never loved her back. Never gave her a child. Never payed her any mind. It was me she hated, so I could believe that she wanted me dead, but why Achilles? It hardly made any sense, which made it even harder to believe what Lioscorus told us. All these things aside, there was a more pressing matter to attend to.  
Achilles was kneeling across from me, rubbing my hand as he held it on my lap. “If we stay here, there’s hardly any chance of you surviving the birth.”  
“But if we go, your father could be waiting for us at the docks. It has to be a trap, Achilles. How much of a coincidence must it be that the only ship in weeks is sailing for our homeland?”  
“We’ll go in disguise, dress you as a woman. They would never be able to recognize you.”  
“But you?”  
“I… I’ll cut my hair. Dye it black. Cover my face. I’ll do anything to ensure I’m by your side from the moment we get off that boat until we are finally safe.”  
My eyes watered. When a tear finally fell, my golden boy wiped it away. “I love you.” I said.  
“I love you too.” He smiled, his own eyes becoming glossy. “Will we go then?”  
I nodded. “Let’s do it.”  
Achilles grinned, leaning forward and hugging me tight. He whispered to me as he buried his face into my neck. “I promise we’ll be okay.”

-

The morning was still dark as we prepared for our departure from Scyros. Achilles dressed me like he dressed himself for the last three years. He tied the golden chord above my large belly, leaving me with comfortable room unlike what I had previously experienced with the constraining men’s style. My hair already curly, he wrapped cloth around it, leaving some out in the front so the curls draped down. We left out the makeup, Achilles said I glowed already.  
He stepped back. “You look beautiful.”  
I blushed. I admit it wasn’t hard to do, it happened a lot since Achilles was so smitten with me. He had told me time and time again how beautiful I was, like a marble sculpture so smooth and delicate.  
He ran his hands over me, feeling my swollen form underneath the silky fabric. “Just look at you, Patroclus. You look different than you did six years ago, more mature, more magnificent. They’ll never recognize you.”  
“And you neither.” I sighed, running my fingers through his long blond hair. “I’ll miss this.”  
“It will grow back.” He said with a smile, both hands pressed gently against my belly. “Our little one will grow up watching my hair grow as his does.”  
After a moment of smiling, I shut my eyes. “Go ahead and get it over with. I can’t stand to watch.”  
I felt a kiss to my forehead and the next thing I heard were shears. It took about two dozen snips. I stopped counting at some point. I couldn’t bear it. Soon, I smelled the pungent aroma of walnut shells as he rubbed them into his hair, staining it. I opened my eyes at his request, seeing my once golden boy different than I ever had.  
His hair was short and shaggy. The cuts were choppy and the color of dark ash. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I didn’t want to. I gasped. “Oh, Achilles.” I thought I might cry.  
“I know, it’ll be okay. We’ll blend in on the ship and the dock, then all will be well.”  
I sighed. “I believe you, but it’s such a big change.”  
“It is. But change isn’t always forever.”  
It was hard to pretend it was okay, that so much was changing in such a short time. I was nearing closer to giving birth, Achilles looked like a different man, and we were about to set sail away from the place we called sanction for so long. Change was fearsome, but that didn’t stop it from coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bye bye blond hair! Crushes me to write out Achilles’ biggest feature, but it must be done for the sake of their safety! Next chapter, they get on the boat and experience some.... rain....


	9. Rain

Just as the sun slowly rose from the watery horizon, we quietly left the palace. The air was salty and cool, a breeze blowing against me and tightening my dress to my gravid middle. It felt wonderful to be outside again, to not have to hide. As we walked through the city, strangers’ eyes didn’t fall on me, they paid me no mind. I was finally free to embrace my body, embrace the miracle that the Gods bestowed on me.  
Achilles walked beside me, his hand on the small of my back as we made our way onto the ship. As we boarded, he thanked the ship’s owner for granting us passage. When he introduced us, he referred to me as his mute wife. We thought it would be better if I didn’t speak. I had no practice making a feminine voice like Achilles did. My face, however was womanly enough to keep unveiled. I was thankful for that, the freedom allowed me to feel the spray of the ocean as the boat finally departed.  
From the deck, we waved goodbye to Lioscorus, shouting our thanks and farewells. He watched with a grin as we sailed out of sight.  
Part of me still worried this was all a trap, that the doctor had sent a message to Phthia months ago, alerting them that the Prince will soon be returning to take his place in the war that still raged on. As we took a seat on one of the benches below deck, Achilles once again convinced me that everything would be alright. He was always saying that. It didn’t always mean it was true. I sighed and closed my eyes. Resting my head against Achilles’ shoulder, the soft sway of the waves carried me into a light sleep.

-

When I woke again, the soft sway had turned into a rough tossing. Achilles was standing beside the bed, his legs spread for balance as he tried to comprehend what was going on. I looked around. Everyone lay motionless, not bothered by the rough sea throwing their limp bodies about the hull. My face turned white.  
“Achilles?” I said finally.  
His head whipped right to me and he fell to his knees. “Oh thank goodness you’re awake- I thought you were like them!”  
I gasped in between breaths, my normal breathing succumbing to the panic that was surrounding us. “What’s wrong with them? What’s going on?”  
“A storm, it’s a huge storm!” He paused only for a moment to catch his own breath. “They’re only asleep, but they will not wake no matter how hard I try.”  
I brought myself to my feet before my lack of balance pushed me back onto the wooden bench. “Do you think the sailors are alright? What if they’re all like them, too?” I motioned to our fellow passengers. Farmers, merchants, women, some children. A floor below us were the rowers, sixteen or so sailors that manned the oars that drove the boat quickly along with the wind. _The wind._  
Achilles’ eyes widened. “The sails! Someone has to close the sails before we tip over!”  
“Achilles please don’t go! It’s too dangerous!”  
He held my cheeks and kissed my lips. “I love you.” He rushed up to the deck.  
“You CAN’T!” I screamed, trying to follow him. I stopped at the steep stairs. I knew I couldn’t get up them on my own, Achilles had helped me when we came down earlier. _If I fall, I’ll hurt both of us._  
Water pounded against the wooden walls of the ship. I couldn’t distinguish between rain and waves. Frustrated and afraid, I could only sit there and wait, but a few minutes had passed and Achilles didn’t return. Nothing at that point could have kept me from climbing up those stairs to get to him. My nails gripped tightly onto the wood as I crawled, my belly inches from the steps. The storm harshly jerked the ship, sending me sideways and nearly off the stairs. I clung on desperately, I persevered with all my might.  
Through tears, I made it up to the deck and saw the sky dark as night and the sea black as Thetis’ eyes. My breathing hitched. _Thetis._ This wasn’t the time to fear her, for I had much more to worry about. Within mere seconds, the rain had poured down onto me and soaked the white cloth of my dress. The wet fabric clung to my legs, nearly causing me to trip. After catching myself, I ripped it from my body and tossed the torn excess aside. Wind rushed around me, blowing what remained of my dress around and sending my headwrap flying into the sea. My quickly drenched hair fell against my forehead as I desperately looked around for Achilles. The deck was empty. I screamed for him.  
“ACHILLES!” My voice was strained already, I had been crying for a while now.  
I heard no answer. Even if he had been shouting back, I wouldn’t have heard it over the deafening water splashing all around. Shattered and unsure of what to do, I fell to my knees. I cried, weeped. He was nowhere to be seen.  
Minutes passed again, and the time started to feel less like waiting and more like mourning. I had just about lost all hope of finding him when the rain suddenly ceased. The clouds cleared and revealed the bright blue sky, as if nothing had happened at all. Just moments later, I heard shouting from the now shimmering sea.  
“Patroclus!” Came the voice. _It can’t be… could it?_  
Frantic once more, I stood, rushing to the railing. “Achilles?”  
There he was in the nearly still water, waving an arm. “Throw me the rope!”  
I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was safe, he was alive. Suddenly I couldn’t speak. I could only obey him and toss out the coiled end of the rope that was laying on the deck. I watched him swim towards it, I hadn’t thrown it very far. He climbed up the side of the ship and words forced themselves out of my mouth. “I thought you were gone.”  
Once he was over the railing, I threw my arms around him. Holding him tightly, we stumbled backwards together. He was out of breath, his body tired as well.  
“You could have fallen coming up those stairs.” He said finally.  
I laughed, fresh tears streaming over the dried ones on my cheeks. “Of course that’s all you’re thinking about.” I swallowed. “Where did you go? You weren’t on the surface, Achilles, I thought you’d drowned.”  
Brushing my hair away, his eyes met mine, then lowered. “My mother took me.”  
I stopped breathing.  
“She said she was going to take me to the caves once and for all.” Wrinkles emerged from in chin, just below his now shaking lip. “She was going to wreck the ship to make it seem like I’d just gone down with it.”  
He, too, began to cry now. I felt his wet cheek on my neck as he buried his face into it, his chest convulsing with sobs.  
“All of those people were going to die because of me.”  
“It’s not your fault, Achilles.” I tightened my fist around a handful of his tunic.  
He grunted, his own body tightening. “No! I should have never left Scyros, then this wouldn’t have happened!”  
“Shh, it’s all okay now, we’re safe and everyone should be waking from her spell now.” I released my grip on his fabric and rubbed his back. My other hand still caressed the back of his neck.  
“Patroclus.” The crying had quieted, then come to a stop. His voice was official.  
I held my breath. “Yes…”  
“I’ve done something bad. Something serious and horrible.”  
“Tell me. What is it?”  
He was quiet, I almost thought he wouldn’t tell me. Then he drew a breath, letting some of it out as a small whimper before finally speaking. His voice hoarse, he whispered into my ear. “I cut off her arm.”  
Neither of us spoke then. I did not ask him why, or how, or what happened to her. He did not tell me. We stood there in each other's arms and did not share a word, not for a while. It wasn’t until people began to emerge from below deck that we gathered ourselves and tried to come up with an explanation for why I was hardly clothed and Achilles looked like he’d seen the underworld itself.  
Achilles told the sailors there had been a freak storm and that we woke up just to see it ending. As for his wife’s shredded dress, it got caught on a ragged piece of wood as she tripped in the midst of the sea’s roughness. Nobody questioned my now exposed and rather unladylike legs. That was something pleasant to come from this, perhaps the only thing.  
An older woman lent me some cloth and offered to help me stitch the dress back together. Speaking for me, Achilles kindly denied and said that I needed to rest after the ordeal. She frowned. It seemed she had nothing else to do; I felt sorry for turning down her reach at friendship, or even just something to do for the time being. The ship was boring, we all knew that.  
Achilles sat quietly beside me as I mended my dress, his complexion dull, his eyes shadowed. The sun began to set and we saw the sky pinken through the tiny porthole on the other side of the ship. Soon we’d pull into port in a city along the way to spend the night. I tried to ignore the thoughts that clouded my mind, leaving me unfocused and my stitching sloppy. Fear nearly overcame me as I thought of Thetis returning for vengeance, to punish her son and everyone on this boat. I turned my head to see Achilles, face blank, probably thinking the same thing I was. _Just one night, then another day. We’ll make it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this chapter took so long to write, I had a busy week and suffered from quite a bit of writers block... But I’m back with a new chapter that explains that ominous hint about rain from last time and ends on an even MORE ominous note! I hope it was worth the wait for you all!


	10. To Pelion

We spent the night in a little seaside town. Grass sprung through the sand everywhere, tickling my ankles as we walked across the shore. Finding a place to sleep was the passengers’ responsibility, and Achilles and I chose to sleep in a makeshift tent on the beach. We didn’t want to deal with the hustle and bustle of an inn, not to mention how much it would cost. Our money was limited, and Achilles sought fit that we save it for an emergency. The biggest emergency, of course, would be paying a midwife to assist in the birth should it come sooner than expected.  
The thought of giving birth frightened me. I had known it was bloody, painful, and risky for anyone, and I was no exception. The only difference, however, was that these things would be significantly greater for me. _More blood, more pain, more risk._ As I lay beside Achilles, he brought a hand to my belly, rubbing it gently. I looked at him and he smiled back at me. He always knew how to ease my mind.  
Morning came and I awoke with a sore back. Sleeping on sand sounded like a good plan, but for a heavily pregnant man whose back was already in pain, it only made things worse. Achilles and another man helped me back onto the ship, supporting my back without throwing it out completely. We didn’t bother trying to get me down the stairs to the passenger deck, so we stayed up top and enjoyed the sunshine.  
Watching the sky diligently, we kept our eyes open for any signs of a storm. We saw none. Hands clasped tightly in each other, we continued watching, praying to the gods to keep her away for just a while longer until we could get to safety. _Safety._ Something hit me, something so obvious I felt like a fool for not having thought of it before. I turned to Achilles.  
“I know where we should go.” I whispered, hoping nobody else would hear and discover I was not mute nor a woman.  
“Where?” He responded even quieter.  
“To Pelion. She can’t see us there, can’t hurt us.”  
Achilles’ face brightened, he had thought of something even better. “Chiron can help you.”  
I beamed, bringing a hand to my middle. “You really think so?”  
“Of course. He’s the wisest healer we know. If he cannot do this, I don’t know who can.”  
I took a deep breath. “How are we going to get up there? He’s not expecting us and I don’t think this,” I gestured to my figure, “can hike anymore.”  
Achilles pressed a kiss to my forehead. “We’ll find a way.”

-

It wasn’t long then before we arrived in Phthia. Achilles rubbed dust and dirt into his face and I drew a veil over mine. We hustled through the city as quietly as we could. He kept his head low and an ugly expression on his face, hoping it would deter people from looking for too long. As fast as we should have been going, I just couldn’t keep up. The pain in my back twinged and stung, the only option was to take a break along the way.  
The city was large, and the dock was right in the middle of all of it. We weren’t even halfway out when we stopped at the bakery. I remember the woman at the window. She tried to shoo us off of her bench, but changed her mind after seeing my condition. The woman invited us inside to get me out of the sun.  
Alcemyra was an old widow who didn’t seek it fitting to remarry since she had no trouble running her late husband’s bakery on her own. Their children had all grown and moved away, leaving her alone. She didn’t mind though, she said her customers, neighbors, and visitors like ourselves were company enough.  
“Is this your first one?” She asked us, though she was really asking Achilles since he was the one doing the talking.  
“Yes. We’re excited to be parents, but we are a little worried.”  
“Oh hush, what is there to be worried about?” She laughed as she leaned into each knead at her dough. “You two will make fine parents.”  
I looked to Achilles and smiled, my hand gently squeezing his leg as I sat beside him. Sweet words of reassurance convinced me that we would be good parents, that is, if the birth went smoothly.  
“My wife is so dainty, so delicate, we fear the birth will be dangerous for her and the baby.”  
Alcemyra hummed thoughtfully and threw down her dough. “Well then, let me take a look at those hips!”  
We knew that if she started prodding around, she’d feel something that a woman shouldn’t have. Achilles stopped her before her grasping hands could get to me.  
“Oh no, it’s alright! She’s very sensitive to touch, you see, she hurt her back on the journey here.”  
“Is that so? And you’re heading further inland like that?”  
“We are.”  
The woman shook her head. “If I were you, I would worry less about the birth and more about if she’ll make it across the mountain.”  
Taken back by this comment, Achilles cleared his throat. “What do you advise that we do, then?”  
“Take my mule. She’s out back.”  
“Take your mule?” Achilles laughed. “We couldn’t possibly do that!”  
Alcemyra scoffed. “I’ve got no use for her these days. My husband used to take her out to sell our wares in nearby villages, but I like staying here.”  
“We can’t just take her from you, though. What if you come to need her?”  
“How about this, I’ll sell her to you. And if I need a mule later on, I’ll buy another one.”  
We thought about it for a moment, Achilles and I sharing a glance. _A mule could carry me and whatever supplies we needed._ Almost as if he’d read my mind, Achilles listed off these same benefits out loud before finally agreeing to buy the mule. The price she asked for was low, which worried us; she couldn’t buy another mule with that much. We gave her more. She beamed.  
We left the bakery with the mule, packs stuffed with bread and containers of water. It would be a long journey into the mountains, one we hadn’t done in three years. I remembered how the last time we rode that path, we were foolishly believing we would be back home within a few days. Pelion was home, it always had been, and I had missed it so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A-Ha!! Another chapter, FINALLY. I had the worst writers block this week- it was so bad that instead of continuing this chapter, I started another damn fic and wrote two chapters of that! But now that I’m back on track with my story plan, chapters will be flowing a lot easier. But I warn you... I’m moving back into my dorm in a week and then I start classes so I’ll be pretty busy, but I’ll try to write as often as I can!


End file.
